This Mother’s Day, we spotlight a story that redefines motherhood. In a world where gender identity still carries stigma, one mother’s strength and acceptance reshape what it means to nurture—proving that unconditional love is the purest form of courage.
In 2023, 18-year-old Fida Chowdhury moved to Australia to study media. The day before his parents flew back to India after settling him into university life in Melbourne, Fida came out to them—revealing a truth he had long carried: he no longer identified as female.
His parents weren’t completely shocked. “Somehow, we always knew Fida was different,” says his mother, Dr Bari Nongkynrih, who recently visited him in Melbourne. “Even as a kid, he avoided dolls and dresses. We wondered if it was a phase.”
But looking back, everything clicked—his quiet struggles in school, the withdrawn behaviour. “It wasn’t shock—it was relief,” Bari admits. “We were just happy he could finally tell us.”
The real shift came when Fida’s father, Dr Abul Chowdhury, said something that changed everything: “We would’ve started hormone therapy sooner if we’d known.” That simple statement of acceptance set Fida on his journey toward medical transition.
It was as part of a university assignment that Fida had to film a life-changing story—and he chose to tell his own. Though it was just a course project, he shared his experience with such honesty and clarity that his parents—who had once struggled to understand—finally saw everything through his eyes. They were so moved that they later shared the video with close friends and family, helping them understand Fida’s journey as well.
For Bari, acceptance came with remarkable clarity—unlike the struggles many families with transgender children face. “It’s no big deal,” she says simply. “This is how he was born—completely natural. We’re just proud he’s living his truth.”
Her perspective as a doctor makes this openness even more striking. “We were never really oriented to understand much about being transgender or gender incongruence. In fact, it was often viewed as a disorder—something that needed to be ‘corrected’,” she admits, her voice tinged with regret about outdated practices like conversion therapy. “Today we know better, but our generation was never prepared for this reality.”
Interestingly, before that moment of full acceptance came tentative steps—like the day at Chadstone Mall when Fida casually mentioned a transgender acquaintance. “Maybe I feel like that too,” he’d offered, heart pounding.
His mother’s measured “I’ll think about it” revealed a universal parental fear: accepting strangers is one thing; embracing your own child’s transition is another leap entirely.
When full acceptance came, it arrived in Bari’s characteristically straightforward way. “It’s okay, as long as you’re a good person,” she told Fida. The simplicity of this love left Fida’s friends speechless. “Wow… your mother…” they said to him.
While acceptance from extended family and friends came relatively easily, the bureaucratic challenges were far more daunting.
Bari recounts how the real struggle began after his surgery, when updating official documents became necessary. “Every office, every government department—it was the same confusion,” she says. “Officials would tell us, ‘We don’t have standard protocols for this.’ The process depended entirely on who happened to be at the desk that day.”
The introduction of India’s Transgender Persons (Protection of Rights) Act, 2019, provided crucial legal support.
“The law mandates every state to issue transgender certificates,” she notes. “This became our key document for changing other records—but obtaining it was its own battle.”
Fida’s voice fills with pride as he describes his mother correcting officials with their own rulebook at a government office. “She mastered the entire legal process (having read all the rulebooks) just for me,” he says. “That, to me, is a huge thing. It’s these little moments, really, that add up and mean everything.”
Now legally recognised as male on all documents—from passport to medical records—Fida reflects on how their relationship has blossomed. “I’ve become more open and comfortable with her. I find myself sharing more with her. That’s honestly the best part—just being able to talk to her more freely,” he confesses.
Fida knows this support is rare; many queer friends must wait until financial independence to live authentically. He believes the most important thing for young queer individuals is to build a strong network of friends who can act as a support system.
“That’s what helps you get through it. Thankfully, my mum is very chill about it,” he says. “She just tells me, ‘Who cares, as long as you’re happy.’”
Even the surgeon remarked how unusual it was to see both parents present for his gender-affirming surgery. “Sometimes, not even one parent shows up,” he told them.
One moment that has stayed with Bari was after the surgery, when she saw her child’s happiness shine through something as simple as putting on clothes.
“When he started wearing just regular clothes,” she says, “I could see how happy he was. He looked in the mirror and said, ‘It fits me well.’ That moment—I knew it was genuine. It brought so much happiness.”
Bari says she, too, has undergone her own transformation—reading articles and listening to podcasts to expand her perspective. “When support exists without conditions, there’s no limit to what these remarkable children can achieve,” she observes.
She believes public understanding still has a long way to go. “We really need to educate the common people—to help them understand this is not wrong. It’s not their fault they’re born different. There’s no reason to discriminate.”
Fida holds tightly to his gratitude. “I was very lucky,” he says. “Even before transitioning, when I was diagnosed with depression, she was the one who took me to every appointment. She found the therapists and psychologists when I was just 14 or 15. How was I supposed to do that on my own?”
Their relationship now thrives on total honesty. During the early days of therapy for severe depression, Fida’s therapist advised him to keep something close that reminded him why he wanted to stay alive—people or things that made him happy. So, Fida set his phone wallpaper to a photo of his mum and their pet dog, Bella.
Bari, in turn, says her pride has only deepened. “She made me proud in her first phase of life as a daughter,” she says. “And now, in his second phase as a son, I’m just as proud—maybe even more. I’m confident he’ll keep thriving, and it really doesn’t make a difference. To me, Fida is the same person then and now.”
As Mother’s Day approaches, Fida needs no special occasion to honour this extraordinary bond—every day of living authentically is his tribute to the woman who taught him that love, in its truest form, never wavers.
For Bari, motherhood is unwavering. “These children may be different from others, but they are ours. If we don’t stand by them, then who will?” she asks. “Mothers must remember that—and children should too. People may come and go, but your mother will be there. Always.”
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