Last week, my 15-year-old daughter came home from school deeply upset. She was crying. She was emotional. A student from her school had died by suicide.
As a parent, it was heartbreaking to watch her process something so painful at such a young age. But what stayed with me most were her questions.
“Dad, why are people saying he committed suicide?”
“Did he commit a crime?”
“When someone commits something, doesn’t it mean they did something wrong?”
“Did his family do something wrong?”
Her questions were innocent, but they were powerful. In that moment, a child had noticed what many adults have stopped hearing. The phrase “committed suicide” may be common, but it carries the weight of judgement. It sounds like crime. It sounds like sin. It sounds like blame.
And that is exactly why we need to stop using it.
Suicide is not a crime. Suicide is not a moral failure. Suicide is not a disgrace. It is a tragic loss of life, often linked with deep emotional pain, mental distress, trauma, isolation, illness, overwhelming life pressures, or a complex combination of many factors.
In Australia, the latest Australian Bureau of Statistics data shows that 3,307 deaths were classified as due to suicide in 2024. The age-standardised suicide rate was 11.8 per 100,000 people. Suicide was the 16th leading cause of death overall, but it was the leading cause of death for Australians aged 15 to 44.
Men remain particularly vulnerable. In 2024, 2,529 males died by suicide, accounting for more than three-quarters of all suicide deaths. The male suicide rate was more than three times the female rate. The Northern Territory recorded the highest suicide rate among Australian jurisdictions.
Behind every number is a human being. A child. A parent. A sibling. A friend. A classmate. A colleague. A family left with grief, unanswered questions and, too often, silence.
The history hidden in the word “committed”
The word “commit” has a history. We say someone committed murder, committed theft, committed fraud, committed adultery, committed a crime or committed a sin. For generations, suicide was also viewed through the lens of religion, criminal law and moral judgement.
The Australian Psychological Society article Suicide and language: Why we shouldn’t use the ‘C’ word argues that suicide is not a sin and is no longer a crime, and therefore we should stop saying people “commit” suicide. It also notes that the word “commit” has historically been associated with religious offences, criminal acts and involuntary detention in mental institutions.
In England and Wales, suicide was decriminalised through the Suicide Act 1961. In Australia, suicide is no longer a crime in any jurisdiction. In India too, the law has moved away from punishment. Section 115 of the Mental Healthcare Act 2017 states that a person who attempts suicide is presumed, unless proved otherwise, to be under severe stress and should not be tried or punished. It also places a duty on government to provide care, treatment and rehabilitation.
The law has changed. Our language must catch up.
Why this word hurts families
When a person dies by suicide, the family is often left with unimaginable pain. They may ask themselves: What did we miss? Could we have helped? Why did this happen?
In many multicultural communities, including Indian and South Asian communities, this pain can be made worse by stigma. Families may fear gossip, judgement, religious condemnation, questions about parenting or concerns about reputation. Some may avoid talking openly because they worry people will blame them.
The phrase “committed suicide” can add to that burden. It can make grieving families feel as if their loved one did something shameful. It can make parents feel accused. It can make siblings feel they must hide the truth. It can make classmates confused, just as my daughter was.
Research and guidance on suicide language repeatedly warn that words such as “committed”, “successful”, “failed” and “completed” can increase stigma, blame and distress for people experiencing suicidal thoughts and for those bereaved by suicide.
Mindframe, Australia’s national guidance for safe communication about suicide, identifies “committed suicide” and “commit suicide” as problematic because they associate suicide with crime or sin. Preferred alternatives include “took their own life” and “died by suicide”. Mindframe also recommends avoiding phrases such as “successful suicide”, “unsuccessful suicide”, “failed suicide” and “suicide bid”.
Suicide is complex, but the blame is too simple
One of the most harmful myths is that suicide is caused by one single event: a failed exam, a relationship breakdown, financial pressure, family conflict or bullying. These events may contribute, but suicide is usually far more complex.
The World Health Organization identifies multiple risk factors, including mental health conditions, previous suicide attempts, loss, loneliness, discrimination, relationship disputes, financial problems, chronic pain, illness, violence, abuse and crisis situations. WHO also notes that stigma around mental health and suicide stops many people from seeking help, and that suicides and suicide attempts have ripple effects across families, friends, colleagues and communities.
That is why blame is not only unfair; it is dangerous. Blame closes conversations. Compassion opens them.
When we speak about suicide as if it is a crime, people in distress may feel ashamed to ask for help. When we speak about it with care, people may feel safer to say, “I am struggling.”
What should we say instead?
We do not need complicated language. We need humane language.
Instead of “committed suicide”, say “died by suicide”.
Instead of “successful suicide”, say “died by suicide”.
Instead of “failed suicide attempt”, say “suicide attempt” or “non-fatal suicide attempt”.
Instead of “a suicidal person”, say “a person experiencing suicidal thoughts”.
Instead of “attention-seeking”, say “a person in distress”.
Instead of “weak” or “selfish”, say “someone who needed support”.
Even “completed suicide” is not ideal. “Completion” sounds like achievement. Death should never be framed as success, failure or completion.
A study of three leading suicide-specific academic journals found that 34% of articles published between 2000 and 2015 used the word stem “commit” when describing suicide or self-harm, although its use declined from 33% in 2000 to 13% in 2015. The authors called for outdated and stigma-laden terms to be removed from scientific literature.
That change should not remain only in academic journals. It must reach homes, schools, medical clinics, newsrooms, temples, churches, mosques, community groups and WhatsApp conversations.
A message for parents, schools and communities
My daughter’s questions reminded me that children are listening. They notice the words adults use. They try to make sense of death, grief, fairness and blame.
When a suicide death affects a school community, young people need honest, safe and age-appropriate conversations. They need reassurance that grief is normal. They need to know they can ask questions. They need adults who do not panic, minimise, sensationalise or silence the discussion.
We should not say, “Don’t talk about it.”
We should say, “I am here. You can talk to me. You are not alone.”
For Indian and migrant families, this conversation is especially important. We often speak proudly about success, education, resilience and family honour. But we are not always comfortable speaking about depression, anxiety, self-harm or suicidal thoughts. Silence may feel protective, but silence can also isolate the person who needs help most.
Changing language will not prevent every suicide. But it can change the tone of the conversation.
It tells a grieving family: we do not blame you.
It tells a young person in distress: you are not a criminal, you are not a disgrace, and help is available.
It tells our children: pain should be met with compassion, not judgement.
Last week, my daughter asked a simple question: “Why committed?”
Maybe every adult should pause and ask the same question.
Why are we still using a word that belongs to crime and shame for a tragedy that needs care, understanding and prevention?
Let us stop saying “committed suicide”.
Let us say: died by suicide.
And more importantly, let us build a society where people in pain feel safe enough to say, “I need help.”
If this article raises concerns for you or someone you know, support is available in Australia 24/7: Lifeline 13 11 14, Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467, MensLine Australia 1300 789 978, Kids Helpline 1800 551 800, and StandBy Support After Suicide 1300 727 247. In an emergency, call 000.
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