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The Soft Girl

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Representational Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash
Devil’s Advocate: Serving you a cocktail of wit, humour and sarcasm

Sweden ranks among the top countries in the world for gender equality, often celebrated for its progressive policies and social norms. Sweden has achieved significant parity in education, health, and political representation, as well as substantial progress in economic opportunities for women.

The country has a long-standing tradition of promoting gender equality through policies such as generous parental leave, guaranteed childcare, and quotas to ensure women’s representation in leadership roles. For example, nearly 50% of Sweden’s parliament members are women, and its workforce shows strong female participation across various industries.

But now, the “Soft Girl” trend is sweeping across Sweden and many other gender equality conscious countries, sparking discussions about its implications for gender roles.

The Soft Girl trend emphasises a return to a nostalgic, feminine aesthetic and lifestyle, focusing on self-care, emotional vulnerability, and stepping back from high-pressure environments. Critics, such as Sweden’s Equality Agency, caution that while this trend can be empowering, it also risks reinforcing traditional gender roles, particularly if it leads to economic dependency on partners.

Survey results released by Sweden’s Ungdomsbaromatern suggested it was even becoming an aspiration among young schoolgirls, with 14% identifying as Soft Girls. One Soft Girl, Ms Larsson who is a stay-at-home girlfriend, says “I think a lot of women feel burned out from their work,” she says. “And I just think of my mother and her mother, my grandma, and my sister, everyone. They’re always so stressed.” And this, in a country that has achieved a gender equality utopia, with guaranteed childcare, shared parenting, quotas for women, and generous parental leave?

So, why are young women embracing a trend that celebrates quitting work?

This development should set off alarm bells for my acquaintance Xena, a staunch feminist warrior. To dig deeper into this phenomenon, I decided to bring her together with Appu, the ever-curious critical thinker, for an insightful discussion.

Xena did not hold back, exclaiming, “This is a disaster! It threatens to undo decades of feminist progress and hurl women back to the Stone Age.”

Appu chimed in, “This is not being driven by the patriarchy, your nemesis, but by women themselves making this choice. Isn’t feminism about letting women decide their own path?”

Xena exclaimed, “These women are so naïve and soft in their heads! They fail to see the tyranny of the patriarchy. Only feminists truly understand what women need. I have been railing against practices like Karva Chauth and Raksha Bandhan, which worship patriarchy, for years.!”

“Feminism is about dismantling patriarchy. Patriarchy will persist as long as men exist on this planet and until matriarchal structures are put in place.”

“That’s quite radical,” Appu remarked. “Wouldn’t that disrupt the balance of gender equality against men? Despite Sweden’s achievements in gender parity, why are some Swedish women drawn to the “Soft Girl” trend and ditching the “Girl Boss” image? Could it be a reaction to burnout from the high demands of corporate culture, where ambition often clashes with personal well-being? Women report higher levels of burnout than men in corporate environments. Or perhaps, does the warmth of the kitchen fire feel more inviting than the relentless heat of boardroom pressures? Or is this a manifestation of feminine desire for balance, self-expression, and a gentler approach to modern life?”

Xena sneered. “It is to do with testosterone-driven toxic masculinity in corporate environments, where men often push themselves to extreme lengths, driven by ambition and the desire for dominance, characterised by intense competitiveness and long hours.”

“But the women, on the other hand, must, unfortunately, match up to this masculine display and compete with the men to keep up and be relevant. The men need to tone down their masculinity and adopt feminine characteristics such as empathy, cooperation, and vulnerability, to even the playing field. For example, if a man and woman were pitted against each other in a boxing match or any other sport, the man will win, and this is not fair. It is time for men to soften up, temper their masculinity and drop their testosterone levels.”

Appu was shocked. “Wow! So now you are advocating for gender equality not just in opportunities, but in the very essence of gender, right down to the chromosomes?”

Appu continued. “The trait of masculinity is linked to evolutionary ‘hunter’ instincts from the hunter-gatherer era when men and women had distinct roles shaped by survival needs. This perspective suggests that the competitive and goal-driven attributes commonly associated with masculinity today have roots in these ancient survival strategies, where men were typically the hunters, focused on risk-taking and providing, while women specialised in gathering and nurturing. Men in such environments feel pressure to assert their masculinity by showcasing their dedication through longer hours, aggressive decision-making, and visible displays of achievement.”

Xena interrupted, asserting, “Women must become hunters. Nurturing is a submissive, subordinate role tied to servitude.”

Appu exclaimed. “Honestly, the Soft Girl trend might not be great for men. It creates additional pressure, as men are now expected to work even harder to support stay-at-home wives and girlfriends. Given that women live longer than men, this added stress could contribute to men going to their graves even earlier.”

Xena wrapped up the discussion with a flourish: “So, the Soft Girl is detrimental to men? That’s not too bad then. But the ideal world is one where women take the reins of leadership, guiding with their superior wisdom and perspective, while men follow their lead. Speaking of which, I’ve got to scoot; my twelve cats need feeding, and I’m running late for my well-being & Pilate classes!”

The feminists’ war against patriarchy continues!


Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author.

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