Why can’t women fart in public?

By Bhushan Salunke
0
367
The Devil’s Advocate, serving you a cocktail of humour, wit and sarcasm

The world is currently living under the Covid-19 dome. Humans have locked themselves up in their panic rooms and bunkers, fearful of stepping out and facing the invisible enemy.

People are coping with this abnormal situation, in different ways. Some are stressing and tearing their hair out; a few are turning philosophical, questioning their very own existence and the purpose of life; others, like yesteryear Bollywood’s Neena Gupta, are asking the really tough, thought-provoking questions.

Recently, Neena took to Instagram, the favourite choice of celebrities when it comes to choosing a public address system, and asked the question, “Why can men fart in public but women are not expected to do the same. Why can’t women fart, burp and sit however they want to sit?. What’s the big deal?” she asked. “Men fart out in the open while women try to control it or go in a corner. Why? That’s my question. Do it”

Before I proceed any further, I need to correct Neena. Grammatically speaking, women “can” fart and technically speaking, women are able to fart and it is not entirely the domain of the men. Óh, by the way Neena, men don’t take pride in farting in public. LMAO

Farting is not all bad. In fact, it is a sign of good health. It indicates that the digestive system is working well. Also, smelling farts is healthy, according to science. Research studies have shown that H2S in the fart can help prevent heart attack and stroke.

Not sure how and why Neena came up with this thought process! Did a man dare stop Neena from letting out gas in public? If a woman has a problem, why does the man get dragged into it and made responsible?

After giving much thought to Neena’s soliloquy, her heart-wrenching expression could only have stemmed from two perspectives; first, the Covid-19 isolation situation, which has the capacity to mess with a person’s head and drive the person cuckoo into irrational behaviour and second, from the feminists’ point of view of patriarchy and gender equality.

“The world of the celebrity has come to a screeching halt. In order to keep their sanity and their relevance in the world, most of them are posting their exercise videos, organising online concerts, sharing their personal sufferings caused by quarantine”

Celebrities are experiencing attention withdrawal symptoms because of the pandemic. They too are in lockdown and are missing their spotlights and camera arc lights, their main source of Vitamin D. Their partying days have been suspended, they are pining for their “Light, camera, action” routine, the gossip, the fashion, the red carpet, and the Pope-like “darshan” interaction with their fans. The world of the celebrity has come to a screeching halt. In order to keep their sanity and their relevance in the world, most of them are posting their exercise videos, organising online concerts, sharing their personal sufferings caused by quarantine, etc.

Neena may be going through such a withdrawal phase. But unlike the current-day celebrities, who will say and do anything just to be in the news and bask in the two minutes of fame, Neena is from the old school, honest, genuine and deserves to be taken seriously. So, she may not be doing it for the sake of publicity.

Not sure if Neena is a feminist but she has been a “bold” woman. In the 1980s, Neena had an affair with Vivian Richards, the West Indies cricketer and had a child out of wedlock with him, which was unheard of in those days. Fortunately, patriarchy never come in the way of her decision and no man ever stopped her from doing what she did.

In fact, in one of her interviews, Neena credits her father for supporting her decision and for helping her to raise her daughter, as a single mother. She said, “My father played a very important role in raising my daughter. He especially shifted to Mumbai to help me. I cannot express how thankful I am to him. He was my backbone during the most crucial time of my life.” So much for patriarchy standing in the way of a woman, which is a common whinge of the toxic feminist.

India is a supposedly patriarchal society despite having been ruled by a woman, Indira Gandhi, for about 16 years and thereafter by Sonia Gandhi, by proxy, for many years. If you have read all those hilarious WhatsApp jokes about hen-pecked, wife-fearing Indian husbands and if they are true, then Indian women are wearing the pants at home and their husbands are dancing to their tunes. LOL. According to an UN study, Indian women are ranked third in the world for abusing or beating their husbands.

Even the British royalty is matriarchal with Queen Elizabeth ruling the roost for decades. Prince Harry is being mocked by the world for being “hen-pecked” by his domineering wife, Meghan Markle, for clinging to her skirt and following her like a meek lamb, wherever she goes.

“All the modern-day feminists are educated, articulate and highly active on social media. How they managed to gain this status with patriarchy constantly trying to stop them from achieving progress in life, is a mystery”

Where art thou, patriarchy and male dominance?

Patriarchy is truly dead and buried and the feminist should stop farting around, trying to fight an imaginary foe, like Don Quixote did. Don Quixote was a fictional Spanish knight who was obsessed with the chivalrous goals, which he decided to take up his lance and sword to defend the helpless and destroy the wicked. Don Quixote believed that the windmills were ferocious giants and he would charge at them only to have his lance get caught in the sail. Today, we have the Lady Quixote.

All the modern-day feminists are educated, articulate and highly active on social media. How they managed to gain this status with patriarchy constantly trying to stop them from achieving progress in life, is a mystery. It is no surprise rabid feminists hate their fathers, who represent patriarchy, and Fathers’ Day.

Anyways, Neena has opened the Pandora’s box of other questions for these vocal feminists to jump on: why can’t women pee in public, right to multiple orgasms, binge-drinking, masturbation, sexual freedom, my body my choice etc. They will really step on the gas on this one.

So, we can rule out patriarchy, in Neena’s case, as a reason for her asking these questions and attribute it to her wish to restore gender equality, which is skewed in favour of men, according to the feminists. The old mantra of the feminists’ advice to real women, “Be like men” is changing into “Be men”. Their war cry now is, “If men can be pigs, why can’t women be sows?”

One valid reason why patriarchy may stop women from farting is to stop climate change. Men are already responsible for creating climate change & for destroying the planet with their farts. Fart contains methane, a greenhouse gas that is deadlier than the convicted culprit, C02. The ocean levels have risen 10 metres because of men farts and if the women farts are allowed, the end of the world, as we know it, is guaranteed.

Neena has raised an important issue which highlights the injustice meted out to women. It is not a fart in a windstorm or a brain fart and it should be given due respect and not be dismissed with “I don’t care a monkey’s fart” attitude. Hoping this gets resolved, sooner than later, by a national referendum.

Bollywood, which is always sniffing around Hollywood for inspirational ideas, is planning to copy Al Pacino’s movie, Scent of a woman incorporating Neena’s “woman fart” in it. Spoiler alert—there is a farting competition in the movie.

I am sure the movie will be as funny as a fart in a spacesuit.


Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author

Follow The Indian Sun on Twitter and Facebook

 

Spread the love and Earn Tokens


Comments