They sat in a row across the front of the room. Five men from five different cultural backgrounds, each with a story that had brought them to the same place.
Nam, Kin, Amit, Alan and Ahmed had just watched themselves on screen, their faces filling the room as they spoke in their own languages about the pressures of being a man. Now they sat before a live audience at Footscray Community Arts Centre, being asked to go deeper.
As part of the What Kind Of Man Do You Want To Be? campaign — led by Respect Victoria in partnership with The Open Arms, Array Productions and Polaron Connect — the panel on March 23 turned the spotlight from the screen to the self.
Moderated by Belle Kwan, General Manager at Polaron, the conversation moved beyond the videos into lived experience — childhood memories, family expectations, and the quiet ways men learn what it means to be “strong”.
Nam grew up in a Vietnamese household where anger and fear sat alongside love.
“As a child, you don’t question that. You absorb it. You carry it with you into adulthood,” he said. “It was not uncommon to have plates and knives flying around the house.”
Everything changed after he suffered a severe brain injury. “That experience stripped everything back… strength is not control. It’s being humble. It’s being vulnerable. It’s allowing yourself to ask for help when you need it.”
Years later, when he lost his job, that belief was tested again. His wife became the main financial provider.
Now, with a baby on the way, his focus is simple – showing up differently. “The way we show up can either create safety or take it away,” he said.
Kin’s story came from a very different place, but landed in a similar space. Growing up in Hong Kong, masculinity was shaped by what he saw on screen.
“Gangsters, criminals — that was the cool thing we watched. That became our role model,” he said.
Today, as a father of two, that worries him. “A friend told me some young people commit crime because it looks cool on TikTok. That really scares me.”
His idea of strength has changed. “True masculinity is discipline… supporting your wife, changing nappies, caring for your children,” he said.
And perhaps most importantly, reflection. “We look in the mirror before we go out, but we don’t always reflect on what we say or do. That’s just as important.”
Amit’s story sat somewhere between tradition and quiet rebellion. From India’s Punjabi community, he designs clothes, acts, and works full-time as an engineer.
“Sometimes no one tells men how to be human — only how to be ‘a man’,” he said.
His turning point came when his father had a stroke. “He was always there for the community, but somewhere along the way, his own health and family were neglected.”
That stayed with him. “It’s okay to pause. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to say you are not okay.”
For him, responsibility is about shifting from control to connection. “If we don’t show our emotions, it builds up inside and comes out as anger. That’s where problems begin.”
Alan, a high school teacher, brought the conversation back to the next generation.
“I see young people every day… young men have emotions — they just don’t always feel safe expressing them,” he said.
Coming from a traditional Chinese background, he said many men are still expected to fit a fixed idea of masculinity.
But he wants that to change. “Men should be able to be what they want to be. They can be vulnerable, and they can be strong.”
He said the conversations are already starting. “When someone says, ‘I’m struggling’, we should never look down on them. We should listen.”
Ahmed, a university student and the youngest on the panel, spoke about the pressure many young men feel today — especially online.
“Everything on social media is exaggerated. It’s always at the extremes,” he said.
But he was clear: masculinity itself is not the problem. “We’re not saying masculinity is bad. We’re saying when it becomes toxic — that’s when it becomes harmful.”
For him, the campaign is about representation. “I wanted someone who looks like me, who speaks my language, to say it’s okay to have these conversations.”
And about everyday actions. “It’s about how you carry yourself… checking in on someone, saying ‘I’m here for you’ — that matters.”
As the panel wrapped up, Belle asked what they hoped their communities would take away.
Nam said normal doesn’t always mean healthy. Kin spoke about drawing strength from both culture and life in Australia. Amit called for breaking harmful masculine moulds. Alan wanted more respect within families. Ahmed kept it simple — it’s okay to reach out and it’s okay to be vulnerable.
Through it all, one idea kept returning: change doesn’t begin in big speeches or policies, but in small, everyday choices.
“Change doesn’t just happen in private,” Nam said. “It happens in community.”
By the end, there were no easy answers. Just five men, from five different communities, asking the same question — and inviting others to do the same. What kind of man do you want to be?
The campaign videos are available online, with the full set of stories featuring 14 Victorian men rolling out in coming weeks.
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